Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Nothing Good Happens Between 3 and 5

Over the past couple of weeks, I've come to a realization as absolute and undeniable as any accepted natural law:

Nothing good happens between 3 a.m. and 5 a.m.

You would think, actually, just plain old nothing happens between 3 a.m. and 5 a.m. You would think 99% of the world would be sleeping during these hours or, at the very least, barely waking up and starting their day. You might even be right on that second statement, but oh, that 1%. That 1% is a special bunch. That 1% thinks, "Hey, I've got nothing else going on, why don't I obsessively observe my pet and decide that it needs immediate medical attention." Or, maybe it's more like "My pet has been dying for 2 or 3 days, but NOW it's an emergency." Either way, they descend upon Metropolitan Veterinary Hospital in droves to ensure that the unfortunate intern asigned to overnight ER duty has a crappy shift.

Also, I believe there must be some sort of organization, a club or social network, perhaps, these people belong to, because they show up at the exact same time, often with little or no funds, and at a time when the computer system shuts down to back up its files. Maybe it's not that organized; Maybe the switching off of the computers creates a shockwave (I think of the scene from Pirates of the Caribbean were the medallion lands in the ocean and alerts the ghost-pirates to its location) that only tardos can detect. I don't know what it is, but I know it is not any fun.

Frequently, I would sit around from 8 pm until 3 or 4 a.m. and see 1, maybe 2, cases only to then be bombarded by the wave of marching morons with complaints ranging from "My dog vomited once or twice" to "My dog hasn't moved in a week or so." Here's the thing I can't get around: If my dog was vomiting at 3 a.m., I would have no idea. None. At best, I might partially rouse from my slumber long enough to think "I'd better turn on the light before I go pee so I don't get throw-up on my tootsies" before rolling over and falling back to sleep. I absolutely woudn't know that my dog was lethargic at that hour of the night/morning. Lethargic? Really? A dog is supposed to be lethargic at 3 a.m....it's supposed to be, actually, lethargic, non-responsive, and apparently comatose. We call that, in complex medical terms, SLEEPING! Oh well. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, if people were smart or used common sense, I'd probably be out of a job.

Actually, aside from the 3-5 crew, the overnight shifts weren't that bad. I find it takes about 3 days for one's internal clock to flip by 12 hours. Once that happens, one's daily routine is not that different from being on a day shift. You wake up, you eat a meal (in this case dinner), you go to work. Once your shift is done, you go home, you eat a meal (I killed a lot of cereal), maybe watch a little TV, then go to bed. Thank God, though, for dark curtains. I found sleeping enough to be a bit of a challenge, at least initially. I would wake up at 3 or 4 in the afternoon, wide awake, and struggle and sleep a little longer. If it weren't for the curtains, it would have been WAY too bright to sleep long enough to be functional.

One nice thing about the overnight shift is how un-busy the hospital is. During the day, there are around 6 specially practices, 8 or 10 general practices, and all the support staff/daytime emergency personnel around. Rarely can you walk 3 feet without having to side-step someone. At night, however, there are all kinds of quiet places to be and, being the only doctor in the hospital, usually you're not looking around for support staff if something needs done.

Overall, the night shift has probably been my least favorite rotation so far, but it is an infrequent rotation and it is still very doable. I'm glad to be finished living like a vampire for awhile and, should I wake up between 3 a.m. and 5 a.m., I'll shudder slightly and try to block out visions of the 3-5 crew. Wait...was that my dog vomiting????

1 comment:

  1. Ok, so I laughed so hard I nearly pissed myself reading this. Because, really, it's pretty much true. Hell, my dog could probably be doing worse than barfing at 3am--even standing directly on top of me--and I would still sleep through it.

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